Cloaking, Roaching, And Benching! Are These Worse Than Ghosting?

Picture this: you’re on a date with someone–finally, after weeks of texting and phone calls. The date goes well, and you guys hook up. 

Then, bam! 

Just when you thought you were clicking, they fall off the face of the earth and do not reply to your texts or calls. This is referred to as “ghosting.” Unfortunately, ghosting is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to dating fails.


An actual submarine submerging from the ocean.
Submaring is when the person you are dating disappears and then comes back out of nowhere as if nothing happened.

Submarining is similar to ghosting. Your suitor will disappear, and then out of nowhere, they emerge like nothing ever happened. They won’t even acknowledge the radio silence. Just like a submarine, they’ll dip in and out of your life.


When you hear the word “roach,” it brings to mind those nasty little bugs that hide in the dark corners of your kitchen. 

“Roaching” is simultaneously dating several people and hiding it from them. While polyamory is an acceptable lifestyle, it is unacceptable to lie to others. This underhanded style of dating is now coined as roaching.

Many people know that once you see one roach, there must be more hiding. This is another reason why the term exists. The person roaching you must have others somewhere “in the dark corners.”


If you know sports terminology, then you are familiar with the term “benching.” For those that don’t know, benching is when a team’s coach prevents a player from participating, keeping them on the bench.

In terms of dating, benching is the same concept. A person will string someone along and “bench” them for a more promising relationship with someone else. If the promising option falls through, then the person will pick you to “play.” It’s basically another iteration of “plan b.” 


Ahhh, stashing. This is when you think things are going great, and you post cute, romantic pictures of you and your significant other. Then, you take a look at their social media.

You find that they never posted any pictures of you, never mentioned you, nor have they introduced you to their friends or family. 

blank piece of paper in a pocket of a pair of jeans.
Pocketing is when you are left as an option. The person does not post yoy on social media or introduce you to friends or family.

You have just been stashed. They are keeping you in their pocket in case other options come along. This is similar to benching but has online evidence. 


This is a more intense version of ghosting. “Cloaking” is when a person disappears and also blocks you in every form of communication. You can’t call, text, post, or even find their address. Ouch.


While it sounds cute, this dating fail happens way too often. As if photoshop or stealing pictures are not bad enough,”Kittenfishing” is when the person uses photos of themselves–but from 10 years earlier. Can you imagine meeting up with someone that you thought looked younger and did not age gracefully?


This is probably both the most common and manipulative one. Picture this: you and your partner break up, and you try to move on. After the three-day “eat cookies and cry period,” you finally head out and dip your toes in the dating pool.

Then, your ex creeps up out of nowhere and messages you on social media. They like your Facebook posts, watch your Instagram stories, and comment on your pictures. This maneuver is an abusive tactic to keep you hooked on them. They either can’t let go themselves, or are trying to keep you unbalanced.

Dating is not easy, and social media is only making it more complicated. Building a genuine connection with someone can be hard and these new forms of communication come with downsides.

White ghost with black eye holes and black round mouth hole.
Ghosting is one of the many dating fails people have to worry about. Be upfront an ask for the same back.

How do you know if they are truly interested? Or, are they benching you, roaching you, or leading you on just to ghost you. Beware the dating fails. 

If you want to set a good example, be upfront about what you are looking for and be vocal that you expect the same thing in return. Ghosting mostly comes from not wanting to hurt people’s feelings, but you do more damage in the long run by trying to hide. Just be honest so that the other person knows the truth. We are all responsible for our emotional health.

If you deal with any of these dating fails, learn from them and move on. Do not let them get to you, you are not the problem. You are more than just an option to be pocketed or benched. Love yourself, and do not move backwards  Remember, there aren’t any manuals for dating; it’s just a bunch of trials and plenty of errors until you find the right one.