How to Own Menopause AND Your Sex Life

Hot flashes. Mood changes. Chills. Slowed metabolism. And worst of all, vaginal dryness. These are just some of the symptoms that accompany menopause.

When the time comes, menopause will be a new phase of your life, and that phase comes with changes. Your biggest concern may be sex-related.  The main culprit stealing the fun from sex is thin vaginal walls, or even the dryness we talked about earlier.

women smiling with menopause and sex life
Keep a bright outlook! Not everyone experiences life changes in the same way.

These problems all stem from lower estrogen levels. When menopause occurs, your hormone levels decrease, and this can trigger unwanted changes. The physical ones can be uncomfortable enough, but with such a huge role, lowered estrogen (and testosterone) can wreak havoc on your libido, energy levels, and more. 

However, it’s not all bad. Some women report their lives improving after menopause! There are simple fixes to these problems that’ll have you back in the saddle in no time.  

Exercise Your Sex Drive

Want to revive your sex drive? Simple, just exercise more. 

The healthier you feel (and are), the sexier you will feel, which aids in good mental health. Confidence and proper self-care are key factors in a healthy sex life. Weight-lifting, cardio, even yoga can give you a wellness boost; things you can feel in both mind and body. 

It also doesn’t hurt to be stronger, and keep up your stamina in the bedroom!

Lube Is Important

Out of all these issues, vaginal dryness is the easiest to treat. Personal lubricant, or “lube” as it is affectionately called, is sold over the counter at grocery stores and pharmacies. No need for a prescription. 

Apply a water-based lube before you have sex. Why water-based? Well, water-based lubricants are less sticky than oil or petroleum-based lubricants, making for an easier clean-up. Also of note, some condoms can dissolve in oil-based lubricants. If you want to practice safe sex, then steering towards water-based is a good rule of thumb.

woman in pink making a face about menopause
Supplements? Lube? Uncomfortable conversations? This doesn’t seem like fun, but these ways are manageable, and they can open new doors.

These lubes relieve the dryness, and you can enjoy sex again without the pain. If you want a more natural lube, coconut oil also works great. Just make sure that you don’t have a coconut allergy!

Testosterone Replacement

We tend to focus on men when it comes to testosterone supplements. It’s an easy fix for their erectile dysfunction or other male issues. However, everybody uses testosterone, just in different ways.

Women’s sex drive can also be boosted with a little testosterone. Talk to your doctor about it if it intrigues you, but know that there are side effects that come with it such as thinning hair and acne. Like most hormone supplements, successful use is directly tied to your body chemistry, so remember to pay close attention if you choose this route.

Let’s Get Physical, Physical

Have more sex. Yes, you read that right.

Menopause can make sex painful, so it is understandable when you say it hurts. We went over the thinning and dryness issues earlier. However, the more penetrative sex you have, the better equipped your body will be to keep your vaginal walls thick. It’s kind of like exercise.

Arousal leads to blood flow down below. And don’t worry if you lack a sex partner, masturbation works just as well.


It’s hard to talk about menopause; it’s not the sexiest issue out there, and many women aren’t looking forward to this time of life.

On top of societal concerns, you have to deal with vaginal dryness, painful sex, lowered libido, and more. The last thing you want to do is bring up how sex has to change. It’s not a conversation anyone is prepared to have.

However, communicating these issues with your partner will only bring you closer.

woman smiling in a sweater about menopause solutions
More communication can only make your relationship stronger! Think of sexy ways to keep life interesting.

Help them to understand the changes you are dealing with and ways you can have more enjoyable sex. If you are open about it, you gain assistance while you walk this difficult path Plus once you get it out in the open, it’s just a matter of time and teamwork.!

Your sex life does not have to end once you go through menopause. Yes, it might cause pain when having sex, and yes, you might not want to have sex as much, but maybe you’ll find it’s a blessing in disguise. Communicating and exploring your body can only improve sex. 

Like any uncomfortable situation, you can take the best from it and move forward. With menopause, there are alternatives to kick it in the butt, and still have a great life. 

Confidence is important. Do not let the word menopause define you. Take it on with a positive attitude and own it!

10 Sex Facts We Guarantee You Don’t Know!

Sex is an act that comes in many forms. There is vanilla sex, kinky sex, fetishes, BDSM, and so much more. People learn about sex at a fairly young age, and their knowledge expands as they get older by talking to people with different experiences, and gain experience themselves. Various facts about sex are common knowledge, but there are some hidden gems people seem to miss. 

1. Crocodile Feces Were Once Used As Contraceptives 

Back in ancient Egypt, crocodile feces were used as a form of contraception. A clump was inserted into the vagina to act as a barrier from sperm.

Zoomed in picture of the head of a green cactus with spikes.
In the past, men’s penises actually had spines on them.

2. Penises Used To Have Spines

Yes, you read that correctly. Penile spines are a type of hard tissue that line the outside of the penis and are still

present in some animals to this day. Geographers state that men used to have these spines, but over time, have lost the DNA code. 

3. An Apple A Day Does More Than Keep The Doctor Away

A study conducted in 2014 found that women who ate an apple a day had better sex, and had more lubrication than women who did not. The polyphenols and antioxidants in apples stimulate blood flow to a woman’s vagina, and boost arousal. Apples also contain a chemical that resembles the female sex hormone estradiol, which protects against vaginal dryness. If you want to have better sex, or are struggling with lubrication, try eating an apple every day. It might just make a difference!

4. Average Sex Session is 100-500 Thrusts

Reading the heading probably made you think about how many thrusts occur in your sex sessions. Now, you might find yourself counting next encounter. Researchers found that the average sex session lasts about 100-500 thrusts. One study conducted in 2017 even found that couples in the U.S. will last about 17 minutes, not including foreplay.

5. A Good Sense Of Smell Equates To More Orgasms

A small study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that women who had a heightened sense of smell experienced more frequent orgasms

Red emergency sign in front of a building.
If there is too much force on a man’s penis when it is erect, it can break.

6. A Man’s Penis CAN Break

A penis contains no bones, so many people think that it can not break. This is not true, forceful bending of an erect penis can actually break it. How do you know it is broken? The cylinders of tissue that make up the penis will be extremely painful. There might be a cracking sound, and dark bruising. Blood in urination is also a sign, because the tube that drains the urine can get damaged as well. 

7. Death During Sex Is Common

1 in 200 people die suddenly during sex. The cause is usually due to a heart attack/issues or brain hemorrhages. 

8. Female Orgasms Last Longer Than Male’s

Women are not only more likely to have multiple orgasms during sex, they also last longer than men’s. A woman’s orgasm lasts about 20 seconds, which is 3 times more than a man’s 6-second burst.

9. A Man’s Ejaculation Speed Is Faster Than You Think

Legs of an African American man with a bar in his hand bent down reeady to run.
A man’s ejaculation speed is faster than the 100 meters dash world record.

Want to know what is faster than the 100 meters dash world record? A man’s ejaculation speed! Coming in at 28 miles per hour, a man’s ejaculation travel speed beats the 100 meters dash record by a little over 5 miles per hour.

10. The Heavier The Man, The Longer The Sex Session

Many studies have revealed that men who are heavier, and overweight will last longer in bed, 3 times longer than a thinner, more fit man. 

Sex has evolved over many decades, for the better. From spined penises, and crocodile feces as contraception, to numerous healthy birth control options, and an assortment of textured condoms. With the help of science and research, we are able to learn more about the human body than ever. We can find out what foods are good for better sex, and just what we can do to have a healthier, more orgasmic sex life. Some of the things we find out are weird, but definitely an interesting topic of conversation nonetheless! 

Can More Sex Lower Your Risk Of Prostate Cancer?

For American men, prostate cancer is the second most common cancer, and the second most deadly. It is worse for African American men compared to Caucasian men, and any other men of color. There are treatments that can reduce the risk of death from prostate cancer, such as surgery, chemotherapy, or radiation. However, having more

Blue ribbon placed on top of a folded white collared shirt for prostate cancer
Prostate cancer is the second most common cancer, and the second most deadly.

sex is a major way that a man can reduce his risk of prostate cancer. It does not necessarily mean sex with a partner, masturbation works as well. The main goal is to ejaculate more often.

The Studies

In 1992, a study conducted by Harvard University gathered information from 32,000 men between the ages of 46 and 81. The men were asked about their average number of ejaculations experienced each month during young adulthood (ages 20-29), middle-age (ages 40-49), and the most recent year. The men provided their ejaculation number every two years until the study was over in 2010. The outcome was that a high ejaculation frequency was linked to a lowered risk of prostate cancer. Men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month had a 31% lower risk of prostate cancer. 

Australian researchers conducted the same study of 2,338 men, researching the impact of ejaculations on prostate cancer before the age of 70. The Australian data supported the American findings; men who ejaculated more frequently had a reduced risk of prostate cancer. An average of 4.6–7 ejaculations a week produced a 36% reduced chance of developing prostate cancer before the age of 70 than men who ejaculated fewer than 2.3 times a week.

The Theory

Two sets of feet on a bed intertwined under a sheet.
Researchers have shown there to be a connection between frequent ejaculation and the reduced risk of prostate cancer.

Even with all the data, this theory is still controversial, and doctors cannot stand behind its efficacy. However, they do know there is a connection between frequent ejaculation and the reduced risk of prostate cancer. Researchers believe that the more you release the fluids in your prostate, the lesser your risk of developing prostate cancer. If your fluids sit there and accumulate over time, then the prostate will have a higher chance of carrying potential carcinogens,  initiating tumor growth.

Regular sexual activity has many health benefits, such as reducing stress, and even reducing inflammatory factors circulating in your body. Although the connection between the two is not strong enough yet, the findings support healthy sexual activity. It does not hurt to add more sex (with your partner), or masturbation to your schedule. It actually offers great benefits, including an extra preventative measure from prostate cancer. Orgasms are more than just a great feeling, they provide many health benefits!

Although sex is thought to be a preventative measure, it is not enough. Make sure to eat a healthy diet rich in antioxidants, and exercise regularly. Do not forget to schedule your routine prostate exams, especially if you are at high risk for prostate cancer.

PrEP, Protector From HIV? Or a Clever Villain

Usage of the Drug Protects You, But What About the Long Game?

I remember visiting some friends in San Francisco, and they were surprised that I wasn’t taking PrEP like they were. Sexual health is a big issue and none bigger in the community than the topic of AIDS and HIV. They aren’t the death sentence they used to be, but it still involves a major life change.

I know my friends were looking out for me. So, I did some research, found a program, and started my prescription with the drug. I’m three months in and about to start my next prescription. However, I’ve looked into the long term side effects, and they aren’t anything to sneeze about.

But as a “healthy individual,” does this extra protection against HIV infection outweigh the possible health problems in my future? Am I bargaining safer sex for a different physical issue?

sexual health fear stress
It’s hard making these decisions for your sexual health, but you must.

So, What is PrEP?

PrEP is Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. Basically, a treatment before coming into contact with the virus. It reduces your risk of contracting HIV from sexual encounters or any encounter where you may be exposed to an infected fluid. This is the only sexually transmitted infection it works to prevent.

Studies have shown that this prevention method works across the board. Gay and bisexual men, heterosexual men and women, and injection drug users can all benefit from its protection. If you have a risk of getting HIV, then this is for you.

The particular drug used is called Truvada or FTC/TDF.  It’s FDA approved, and it has been in use for about seven years now.

If you take it as prescribed (one pill a day), then your risk of becoming infected with HIV is reduced by 99%.

Sounds great, right?

Are There Long Term Changes?

So, down to the nitty-gritty. My research brought up that in the future, PrEP users can expect a change in their kidney function and/or bone mineral density. PrEP long term use can lead down some slippery roads.

HIV test know your status
Getting tested and knowing your HIV status is paramount to our community.

Currently, there is no fact sheet telling us what will happen to “healthy” individuals taking PrEP over the course of years. We do know that HIV infected individuals have the aforementioned health concerns, but at this time, we just don’t have enough research, because the drug is too new.

My personal interactions, in this case, have been hopeful. The medical professionals that prescribe me Truvada are also monitoring my kidneys for changes every three months. I assume they are taking adequate precautions with my bone density as well.

How Can You Get PrEP?

So, like me, you’re on board with this idea. You acquire an HIV preventative medication for peace of mind.

Your first step is to talk to your doctor and, of course, check with your insurance provider to see if they cover this. Financially, speaking, the drug can get expensive with costs of up to $2000. If your doctor approves you for this, you’ll start the process by taking an HIV test along with others to get your health baseline. It’s important to know your HIV status in general, but more so when starting PrEP.

personal health PrEP prescription
You have to take control of your own health! No one can do it for you.

After this, your medical professional should get you going in the right direction. We trust them for these reasons.

Another option is participating in a program. The Gilead program has been an absolute godsend for me. Medicaid can help, but it differs across state lines. If you’re lucky enough to live in San Francisco like my friends, Healthy San Francisco offers assistance.

After your tests are cleared, you’ll pick up your medication or have it shipped to you. Starting the drug, you are cautioned to expect mild nausea.

Let’s face it. When you’re caught up in the moment, sometimes it’s hard to think clearly enough to protect yourself. Using PrEP significantly reduces your risk of getting HIV, and the life-altering changes that come with it. Your personal health care has to be a high priority on all fronts: past, present, and future. At this point, the pros of using PrEP outweigh the unknown cons.

EZ.Insure is there for you should you want to change your health plan by upgrading or need to look into getting one on your own. If this drug sounds good to you, talk to your agent about its coverage in your current healthcare plan. They’re there for you to make sure you (and your wallet) stay healthy.

Anal Sex: How To Go From Pain To Pleasure

So the time has come, the anal sex talk with your partner. Don’t panic, everyone dabbles with the idea of it. Anal sex has become a hot topic lately, and when you think about it, well it may hurt. Some people love it, and get a lot of stimulation and orgasms from it, while others can not imagine the act. If you are one of those people who are considering taking the plunge, then there are ways to handle it with care. It can be painful at first, but end up being

Anal sex can be very orgasmic, as long as you take your time.
Anal sex can be very orgasmic, as long as you take your time.

very satisfying. There are thousands of sensitive nerve endings around your anus that can give you pleasure. It can be fun, as long as you are up for it. First let’s learn how to properly prepare for anal sex.

Prepare Mentally

Just the thought of anal sex can be mentally exhausting and terrifying for some people. If you are one of these people, take some time to relax. Anal sex is not the same as vaginal sex, so take some time to relax before it happens. Take a relaxing bath and do whatever you have to do so you can prepare yourself.

Try It Out By Yourself/ Use Toys First

Before perfroming anal sex with your partner, it is important to start small. You can explore how it feels with fingers, or even toys such as a butt plug. Glide the toy around the opening and feel the sensation it provides. Foreplay with the anus during vaginal sex can feel good, and can be a great segway.

Lube Up!

This is probably the MOST important part of anal sex. A water-based lube will help with rubbing, massaging, and insertion into the anus. Water-based makes the experience more slippery than the other stuff that gunks up. The slippier, the better. Your butt is not as self-lubricating as your vagina is, so make sure you have plenty of lube, because you will use it in the beginning, and continue to use it throughout. Lube will make everything feel better, less painful, and safer for you.

Clean Up Beforehand

A lot of people’s first thought of anal sex is that it is dirty. Many think anal sex will end up messy. In order to prepare, take a shower or bath and make sure you clean up as much as possible. Use a towel underneath you, not because any stool will go everywhere, even though you may think that. The towel is more for all the lubricant you use so it does not get everywhere. Try not to eat anything that will upset your stomach beforehand. That will not make it a very good experience.

Start slow! Do not rush or jam anything in, or it will hurt really bad.
Start slow! Do not rush or jam anything in, or it will hurt really bad. Use lube and go slow and steady.


Never ever try to shove anything in, or attempt go fast. Try to relax and not tense up your muscles, because it will only cause pain. Start slow and penetrate slowly, that way it is less painful and you can get used to the feeling. Once you are used to it, and your muscles are relaxed, then consider going more little by little. Listen to your body and make sure you are comfortable with it. It is not a race, but rather to take your time and enjoy it as much as you can.

Positions That Help

When you think of anal sex, doggy position is probably your first thought for easy insertion. This is not the only way to have anal sex, and for your first time, it is not the best. Your partner can not see your face and gauge how you are feeling. There are other positions you can try, such as sitting on your partner’s lap, or spooning. Most experts actually recommend laying on your side and spooning for your first time. Move around and try different positions until you find one that makes you feel the best.

Make sure to keep an open communication with your partner about how you feel before sex, during, and after. Communicating can make a difference with the experience, and help you feel more at ease. Work together to make the whole experience a positive one, that hopefully feels good, and even better in time.

Period Sex, The Real Cure

Period sex. The first thought that pops into a lot of women’s heads is “gross,” and it is off-limits. There are a lot of reasons women think period sex is off limits. You may not feel comfortable being intimate while you are bleeding and you might feel unclean. Some women may feel unattractive during their period. At the end of the day, it is a personal choice whether you choose to have period sex between you and your partner. But did you know that having period sex has a lot of benefits for you? As long as you can get comfortable with the idea, then you can decide if it is right for you. 

Having sex while on your period helps contract your uterus muscles, relieving cramp pains.
Having sex while on your period helps contract your uterus muscles, relieving cramp pains.

Relieve Menstrual Cramps

During an orgasm, your pelvic muscles contract and release. When it releases, it alleviates the pain that you get during your period. After an orgasm your body releases oxytocin and dopamine, the feel good endorphins that can ease any pains you have, including headaches. So you can say goodbye to those nasty cramps and hello to the big “O.” Thats a win-win.

Shorten Your Period Length

Yes you read it right, shorter periods! Yes please! The muscles that contract during an orgasm push out the blood and uterine lining faster. It speeds up the process of getting rid of everything out, which means a shorter period.

No Need For Lubricate

When you are on your period, the blood acts as a natural lubricant. So if you want to try it, just know you can leave the lube in the drawer.

Higher Sex Drive

Ever feel like you are extra horny right around the time of your period? There’s a reason for that. Hormones take a big role in it, and the fact that your blood flow is increased to your pelvic area. The pelvic area gets swollen making you more aroused, sensitive, and crave sex more. Why not indulge?

Just Remember….

You can still get pregnant while on your period. It is a very slim chance, but it is still possible. Take the necessary precautions while having sex in order to avoid any issues like pregnancy and STDs. You can also still contract STDs while having sex with your period. Make sure you are protected.

Period sex has many benefits, but can be messy.
Period sex has many benefits, but can be messy. Take precautions for an easy clean up.

The biggest downside to period sex is the mess. If you choose to have sex while you have your period, consider using a towel underneath so the clean up is easy. You can also either hop in the shower after, or keep a washcloth nearby. Having sex where blood is gushing out of you may sound gross, but there are so many benefits to consider. The reality of it is that you might just like it! Once you get past the fact that it is blood and let yourself go, you will enjoy it, and so might your partner. Talk with your partner, and make sure everyone is on board, and if so, go for it!