Many women find it hard to achieve orgasm. Because of this, some women fake an orgasm when they are with their partner. In fact, a 2010 study found that over 50% of women reported “faking it” during sex.
Some choose to fake in order to spare their partner’s feelings, stroke their partner’s ego, or get frustrated and feel like an orgasm isn’t going to happen, just wanting the sex over with. It can be embarrassing to tell your partner that you can’t get to the big O. But faking an orgasm does not address the issue at hand, and in the end will just leave you sexually frustrated, and disappointed. These are not the only consequences.
A Long Road of Frustration
As mentioned, the more you fake it, the more you will associate sex with disappointment. You might be able to “fake it until you make it,” but when you do, you disconnect your bodily sensations. You are basically telling your partner that what they are doing is working. This will lead them to think they are doing a great job, and if you do not fake it the next time, they will get confused and think something is wrong. This will just lead to a never-ending circle of faking it to please them. Like most things, communication is key to a healthy relationship.
Your Partner Won’t Trust You
Some people have the ability to sense if their partner is faking it. You put your relationship at risk because you are being untruthful to your partner. Your partner will be more hurt by the deceit, and that they were unable to please you all those times. It will lead to a lack of trust in your relationship, and we all know that once trust is gone, it is hard to get it back. Your partner will forever wonder if you are faking it or not.
When a person orgasms, oxytocin is released. This hormone is the “love hormone,” which helps a person bond with their partner. When you fake an orgasm, the hormone is not released. This can build a skewed connection with your partner and eventually cause issues in the relationship. A study published in 2014 found that people who orgasmed
opened up more to their partners in bed afterward than those who did not.
In order to achieve an orgasm, speak up. Tell your partner what works for you, and what does not. People are not mind readers, so if they hear you moan and pretend, they continue what they believe is right. If it is hard for you to achieve an orgasm at all, then let your partner know so you don’t have to begin the faking process. Explore together so your partner can learn exactly how to help you reach an orgasm.
Your partner just wants to please you, so why not give them the proper help to do so. They will not be upset that they couldn’t do it if you are honest. What will make them more upset is finding out you have been lying. Your partner will most likely be happier to help you reach orgasm through communication. Break the cycle of the need to appease your lover’s ego. Take control of the bedroom. You are not doing anyone a favor when you are faking it- especially yourself.